With a broken hand, blogging and typing is not the easiest task;) but I wanted to give some updates.
A wonderful amazing friend of mine gave John and I a week at her timeshare in the Cayman Islands. It was amazing! The only other time I have left the country is 11+ years ago on my Honeymoon to Mexico. I had just found out I was pregnant with Kaylee….and let’s just say I threw up for most of the 7 days we were gone;)
John and I very rarely ever leave the girls overnight anywhere, and have never left them for a week. The most we have been away from them is just a day or two and that only happens maybe once a year. So, being gone for 7 days was a big deal. But…I knew we needed the time away to reconnect.
We had a blast! I knew my kids were having fun with their grandparents, and that allowed me to just relax and spend time with John. We snorkled… we swam with stingrays… we went on a submarine ride… and my most favorite part, walks on the beach late at night (although I broke my toe on a piece of coral) This year was tough on many people in my family, but as a mother it was always my primary focus to worry about my kids first. This trip made me realize just how tough this year was on my marriage too. When someone is diagnosed with cancer, everyone suffers….period. We talked…we cried….and we remembered why we fell in love with each other so many years ago:) He is my best friend and I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else. As long as we are together, we can do anything….and now that even includes beating cancer. I believe in soul mates, because John is mine.
So, the trip was amazing and I could never thank my friend enough for what she did. Also our family for watching our babies so we could go:)
I also recently had my first haircut since shaving my head for chemo in February. It may not seem like that big of a deal…but it was for me. I felt like I had waited a million years. I loved going to the salon. The day I shaved my head was awful. I looked in the mirror, and then shut the mirror doors and never re opened them for months. I hated how I looked and felt when I was bald. With no eyebrows or eyelashes either I felt like every bit of femininity was gone…and I hated that. It’s hard not to see yourself in a mirror or reflection….it becomes a lot of walking with your head down, and that is painful. So this day was so important to me. I cried, I laughed, a good friend stopped by with flowers…then I cried again;) I loved every second of it. I left there with my head held high…and it felt good:)
Now, onto other news…. which might be TMI… (skip paragraph if needed;) As many know chemo is hell on your body. I am still dealing with the side effects from it on a daily basis, and its awful. After treatment started…my period stopped…and menopause began. I have not had a cycle since Dec of 2012. I was told I only had about a 1-5% chance of my period ever coming back. I guess once your body is in menopause for that length of time, it tends to stay that way. Well….. my period started! I know, who the hell is ever excited about that happening, lol. But, for me it was my body acting like it was 32 again, and not 82. I was thrilled! I know that if we decide to have another baby at some point, this was the first step. I need to have a full hysterectomy within the next few years or so and have no idea the damage chemo did on my eggs etc. But…. this is a start… and I’ll take it:)
Thanksgiving is tomorrow and I have never been more thankful. I can’t wait to cook tomorrow for my family and sit at the table and thank God for everything I have. Cancer took so much from me this year, but it didn’t take the things I need the most…my family. I don’t care about losing my breasts… or any side effects left over from chemo. This Thanksgiving I have everything I could possibly ever need. I have great friends, great family, and people around me who truly love & care for me. I don’t need a reminder on how fragile life is, I know. This year tested every possible limit I had and I am much stronger than I thought I was. I hope in some way I touched some lives in a positive way and always spread awareness when possible. I had no idea how to deal with any of this and just did the best I could. So this Thanksgiving please take a moment and think about what you are truly “thankful” for…. xoxoxoxo