Well, I finally have a post that is not totally revolving around cancer. Yes, I have an upcoming surgery, so that’s on my mind….but right now all I can think about is Mark. And how I miss him terribly. I wish I could just kidnap him and keep him forever. I had so much fun with him the last two weeks. I spent as much time as possible with him, John spent time with him… and he even met some of my close friends. We had the best time and made great memories. I am so happy my girls were able to spend so much time with him. We all had a fantastic time:)
But……… I miss him.
What’s not to love? He is the kindest, sweetest, most gentle person I have ever met. He loves so much, and he isn’t afraid to show emotions. About 20 minutes before my dad picked him up I walked into my room and just saw him standing there looking down. I walked up to him and he raised his head and said “I’m going to miss you so much Jenny.” (he use to call me that when I was young:) And then he just starred at me with tears rolling down his cheeks. I couldn’t do anything but give him a huge hug and cry with him.
All weekend he called me “Gods little Angel.” I have no idea why, but I loved it everytime he said it. I love him like he was my child. I will protect him, stand up for him, cry with him, and do whatever he needs me to do. Without a doubt in my mind I would take care of him if I was asked. He means that much to me. As I have gotten older my relationship with him has changed. I feel like I need to protect him and watch after him. More than anything I just want to see him smile and be happy.
I couldn’t even begin to put into words how his world ended the day his mother passed away. Everything changed. She was his rock… and although she was sick for a very long time before…. when she died, a part of Mark died too. He didn’t just love his mother…. he absolutely adored her. When his dad passed many years before he knew it was his job to be the new Man of the House and take care of her. And, he did such a great job at that. The way he looked at her was an emotion I may never see again from someone. It was much more than love…it was Faith… it was Devotion… it was Appreciation… it was Admiration all wrapped into one.
These past few weeks my husband especially has shown Mark so much love. He went out of his way time and time again to tell Mark how much he loved him. One day he even took him to lunch with his dad and showed him off to people around the hospital. He loved that so much! He couldn’t stop talking about it:) John sent him home with a bag full of gifts from the hospital and Mark was grinning from ear to ear. John knows how much Mark means to me and that just reassured me that John is my soul mate. 11 years of marriage and he still makes me proud of him everyday. He is a great man who loves me and loves my family too.
Without a doubt my life is better because Mark has been a part of it. He has made me a better person. A better daughter… a better wife… and most of all a better mother. I know he will never read this, but one day my kids will and all the memories of Mark when they were children will come flooding in:)
In my next post I will go into detail on my amazing (yet exhausting;) trip to Chicago with my girls and John. We had time to reconnect as family ….. and it was amazing. Every surgery I went through and chemo appointment was worth it. This is my family, and I wouldn’t change it for the world!