can’t break away…

For some reason my mind has been all over the place. This is the first time I have visited my parents since starting chemo. I thought it would be loads of fun, and for the most part it has. What I wasn’t ready to deal with was the change in environment. All the mirrors , white bedding…and so on. While typing this I am disgusted with myself and what I see….a white pillowcase covered in my hair. Maybe at home the same hair is there, but my lights are more dim…maybe the floral pattern is distracting on my pillow cases…. whatever “it” is… I can tell I’m more sensitive here.

Today when I was out with my dad I told him I was hot and my head was sweaty. I was wearing a hat like usual. But in public I reached for my hat, took it off for a brief second…and put it back on. As the tears rolled down my cheek I realized even in St.Louis I can’t run from my problems. I have cancer…. no matter where I am. So that’s making me more emotional. I know this is all probably very normal, but it doesn’t feel good.

Tomorrow I am taking my girls to Disney on Ice. I pray the weather holds out and they have a great time. John was supposed to go, but the snow is making it a pain… so my dad said he would take us and drive.(thanks dad)
I didn’t want John to deal with the weather and wanted him to stay home and have some r&r. He deserves it. Love you babe:)



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