Category Archives: chemo
Here are some photos from today:) Deann made these great shirts and also surprised me at the clinic with the girls. They were holding signs and balloons and it was the sweetest thing:) 🙂 My mom and dad also sent me beautiful flowers. A sweet lady named April left me some treats and a lovely card, and an amazing family friend Michelle stopped by with huge bag filled with tons of goodies and gift cards! My nurse navigator Carol (who I adore:) and is one of my best friends stayed with me today too:) John also came by and went to my appt. with me. (so happy to see his face:)
I also got a graduation paper for finishing up chemo!
I am so lucky to have wonderful people around me:)
So, later on I will blog more. But… I wanted to take a minute to let everyone know that my LAST chemo treatment is tomorrow!!!! Yeah!
My body is wore out, and I feel like I am still recovering from my last treatment 2 weeks ago. My doctor told me this was normal and the body can only take so much punishment before it gets tired.
I have a range of emotions right now that I will save for later;) Overall I have felt so much love, and that is most important. It won’t be easy to not be scared, but I am going to try my best not to be. I wasted so much time these last 5 months with my surgery and chemo, I don’t want to waste anymore. I still have more surgeries to go, but I’ll take it one day at a time like I always have.
I wish it was all just over and I didn’t have 1 left. Today when I looked in the mirror I noticed my eyelashes and now eyebrows are mostly gone. 😦 Sometimes I worry it will takes months…maybe even years to make up for the damage I’ve done to my body. But all that comes with the outcome of one day being Cancer Free, and that’s my focus. To raise my babies and see them grow, and make it to 20, 30, 40, 50, 60+ years married to my husband. That was my only goal… to live, and not miss anything. The rest I knew I could handle, or try my hardest too.
So that is it for now. I feel better today and need to get some stuff done:)
Wow, over 17,000 hits on my site! wow! What a fantastic compliment…thank you to everyone who takes time to
stop by and read it:)
Tonight was a good night. It really made feel that my blog was worthy and a great thing I’m doing. John had an awards banquet for the hospital. He wanted me to go with him, and I was so happy I felt good and could go!
I had such great feedback. All night I had people come up to me and say they follow my blog. Also they thought I was doing an amazing thing, and how proud they were of me for putting myself out there. Some of them I knew…some I sort of knew…and some
I didn’t know at all. But… it felt AMAZING!
Just little ol’ me with a little ol’ website has come so far….and I am
proud of myself:) These were my husbands peers and co-workers and they were complimenting me. It felt good:) I really am trying to tell my story the best way I know how…but also
promote womens health and do good things. It’s pretty empowering to change another persons life….even if it is in the tiniest way.
Overall it was a good night. Just spending time with my husband was reward enough, but the rest was the cherry on top:)
And…. lots of people thought I had my own hair and I wasn’t wearing a wig.
Many were actually really shocked and surprised that I was bald under my hair:)
Oh and the countdown till my last chemo continues! Yeah:)
Well, when the doc says you will get nerve and joint pain in all your big/major joints… he wasn’t lying. Today it’s my hip and is almost unbearable. I can’t walk, and can barely even move. 😦
I’m not sure how much more I can take.
I am wearing out. I feel like I have been in chemo forever and it just won’t end. This is no sprint, it’s a marathon….and this runner is tired:(
As I sit here in bed all I am thinking about is my girls last day of school tomorrow. How I will soon be the mother to a Kindergartener and a 5th grader! How in the world did that happen?? Well, it’s making me think of summer break and how important it is to me this year.
It’s hard to make others understand this, but I lost something this year that meant more to me than my breasts.. surgeries ..hair…scars… and chemo.
I lost time.
Time is something I can’t get back. More than anything I want to go back and have a re-do of all the weekends my kids were off school and I was too sick to play with them. Gymnastics… Taekwondo… Dinners…Shopping… Church…Traveling. I can’t remember the last time I went grocery shopping with my girls…or went to Kmart and had them nag me for a toy;) I realize none of these things seem all that important, but for me they are. I was robbed of time with my family, and this summer when I’m back on my feet, I want to make up for it.
I’m not saying they will be in the form of big grand gestures…because we just can’t afford that. But, it will be traveling to see my parents, picking up Mark, parks, museums, and just being together. As much as possible. They will each do 1 camp or so like normal this summer, but that’s about it. I want time with them, and don’t think anyone will wonder why.
Since they were born I always hated leaving them. I guess it’s just the obsessive mother in me;) They maybe have spent the night without me a handful of time their whole lives.
Now that I have cancer it’s made me know that I always made the right choices. So, John and I never got a week, or two, or a month alone without the kids. But we got a day or two here or there…and that was just fine by us. He knows how much I love them and want to be with them, and I know he wants the same. Now looking back, I see just how fragile life is. Nothing is a guarantee… and I don’t want to waste a second of it.
This summer is about me healing, making new memories…and re-claiming what I lost. I don’t know many people who were 9 & 4 years old when their mom was diagnosed with cancer. I have zero clue what that must have felt like for them. It makes me sad. It actually breaks my heart. They say you never know someone till you walk a mile in their shoes… how true that is. I know my journey was hard.. but my families was hard too.
I will end this post by saying on January 16th when I was told I had cancer THE ONLY thing that was on my mind was I wanted more time with my husband and kids. That what I had with them was not enough…and I needed more. Please God, Please Please tell me I can beat this. I can survive. Take my breasts… take my hair… I’ll take the pain and the tears.. and the agony of it all if YOU will just say I will make it.
So this summer is going to be a great one:) I know it! I hope everyone understands and supports us, because we need this… we deserve this.