Taking it from the top

As my kids just left with John for taekwondo, my heart broke. Even on my off weeks of chemo I may still feel like shit and not be able to do things??? what the hell?? I don’t even get a break for one day and seem like a normal person. Although as I sit here with no breasts at 32, how in the world can I mumble the words “normal person?”

I am upset. That was my job! That was my duty! Then cancer comes and ruins my entire life. I can’t do the things I use to, and can’t be around the people I use to. Seems unfair to me. This is 4 months of hell, maybe more and it seems like a lifetime. Life is precious and I feel as though I am missing special days and moments with my kids. I don’t need a reminder to thank the Lord everyday I wake up…but some days it’s not easy to see through the fog of cancer. Damn. 😦

My good moment: John I love you for all that you are, and all you continue to be. Thank you for stepping up and being a good husband and dad. 🙂

Shave or not to shave?

So today, while laying in the tub I had an epiphany. Looking at my legs…do I shave or not shave? Ever since my surgery shaving hasn’t been top priority…but in my head all I hear is “Damn Jen you can hang Christmas ornaments on those things.” 😉 So do I wait for the chemo to take that hair too? I really have no clue at all. Remember, I have done no research on cancer yet..and this is no exception. I asked my doctor what are chances I will lose my hair and he says “100%” Now, I do like to gamble occasionally, but those odds seem a bit strong. What I forgot to ask is when? and where first and last? I was thinking my wig is good for my head…but I can’t wear press on eyebrows! lol So, I will do what I have always done. I will blog and write each day as it is given to me. Anyone that reads this will learn everything the day I learn it as well.

Why is it that my hair is what I’m thinking of? I have CANCER! at 32 years old and my brain in thinking “oh no, I hope I don’t lose my hair.” How crazy am I? I guess growing up I was never the prettiest. Or the thinnest. Or any other things.. but I have thick dark Italian hair and I can rock a headband like no other! Maybe it was a part of me I was never self-conscience about…and now I’m about to be. Oh well…The mind takes you all over the place late at night;)

My end on a good note: John I shaved my legs:) you’re welcome.

Just a quick check-in. 🙂 Went out today for the first time since chemo last Wed. It was sooooo nice! I went to Kmart with my mom and tried to stay away from everyone;) I also helped pick Sophie up from preschool.

Overall, today has been a good day,but sadly the doom of next Wed. still hangs over my head:(

Well I haven’t blogged much because I couldn’t. You get a shot the day after chemo that gives you flu symptoms …because I have never had the flu I had no idea what to expect. Well….it stinks. In my whole life I have never had the flu…or had a flu shot (shush I don ‘t want to hear about it;) Well, it knocks you on your ass. I haven’t been able to sit still and feel antsy.

Yesterday alone, I took 2 showers, 11 baths, and went in the hot tub. So, today is a bit better. I am off narcotics and starting to seem like myself. But, reality has set in I have to deal with this for 4 months…. SHIT:(. That stinks. I have a a feeling the moment I feel better, it’ll be time again for chemo.

My dad drove all the way to see me today. He put a smile on my face, and got me out of bed. That was sweet of him, and shows what a good guy he is . A three hour drive, just to see me for a bit.

End with good……… well, I don’t feel like I’m going to barf at the moment. And one month of my website= 7,028 views—yeah!

I also tried on 2 hats I have been given. One someone knitted, one they gave me at the gun range. 😉

Well today I went for my after chemo shot. They do it in your belly and it’s not so bad. It pretty much makes the new healthy cells grow really fast. It all sounds fine and dandy, but they say this process can be quite painful and to just take it easy and take my pain meds.

Then I had my check up with my surgeon and he said I looked like a Playmate I was so beautiful. hahah Just Kidding. But I am healing well, and that’s what is most important. I go back next Wed. and that’s sort of a big deal. They will take blood and I’ll pretty much know if my treatment is working or not.

I pray to the good Lord everything will be fine and I am good:)

Thanks for everyone who comes to my site and is interested in my story. It’s hard to believe that this site was started a month ago today by my SIL Claire and may hit 7,000 views. So wonderful.

Above all else I want women to know that they are in the drivers seat when it comes to their life. Keep up to date on all appointments, check your breasts monthl , and just take care of you.

By definition we are nurturers. We want to nurture others before ourselves, and that’s not always possible. We need to promote women watching out for other women and when our litle girls grow up they will do the same.

Anyhow, enough babbling:) lots of love, Jen

Chemo TOTALLY SUCKS and that is all I have to say. I am achy, I want to hurl, and just feel crummy:( Not good.

When they accessed my port for chemo it hurt like hell. I about jumped out of my seat. I also chose to be in a room alone and didn’t want in the chemo room with everyone else. Thank goodness they let me! I got there at 9am and left at 1:30pm.

I am lucky to have all the good people around me that I do. I had childcare, food, soup, presents and more.

Today was HELL. I would not go through this for just anybody…myself included. This note my oldest Kaylee wrote explains enough 🙂

1st Chemo is DONE. It wasn’t wonderful, but I didn’t expect it to be. I was happy my mom was with me, I needed her. John also stopped by and cheered me up. I am staying upbeat, and will report more later. xoxoxo

Getting chemo… what’s
not to love 😉 actually it’s torture…someone break me out of this joint!