Taking it from the top

https://takingitfromthetop.com/

Today overall was an okay day. I started the day barfing which was no fun (just a fun part of cancer;) and then just hung around the house with my parents and the girls. I am so happy they are here, I’d be lost without them. I wish I had more to blog about, but with almost 10,500 views I feel the need to say something to my fans, lol:)

I’m getting excited about the upcoming article in the paper. I am nervous about what it will say, and what I’ll look like, but I know a lot of good info will be in there too. It should be in the weekend edition of the paper this week. Today for some reason I reflected a lot on my chemo and how I wished I was almost done. I have 2 behind me and go in for the 3rd next Wednesday. I soooo wish it was my 8th and last. I feel as though sometimes I am at a standstill. I so want to get these 8 treatments over with that’s all I think about. It floods my brain most days:(

Tomorrow I go in for my bloodwork and check my white blood cells. Last time it was 1.6 and that is pretty crappy. I also feel like I may be fighting off an iud and that’s not helping either. So, let’s just hope for some high numbers and good news:)

Well, I better head off to bed.

My good note: John I miss you and can’t wait to see you Thursday 🙂

Attached is a video that always makes me laugh when I am down. I filmed it when Sophie was small and also fighting a cold. It’s called “Things that can eat Sophie.”

Today I was emotional. I’m not sure if it’s because I miss my husband, or other things…. but I am. Part of the day I felt bad for all the nice things people are doing for me, and how I’ll never be able to thank them or tell them enough how much I appreciate it. So, I felt bad.

My dad knew that John was gone to Chicago and decided to take vacation from work and spend it with me, mom, and the girls. It meant a lot:) It was such a nice gesture and shows what a good guy my dad is. Taking vacation to come to no where Rolla and not do much. It was sweet, and I love him for that. He is making this week a lot more fun:)

I’m attaching 2 youtube videos I made for my sister in law Claire. She needed them for a work thing. I did my best to tell my story, but then later thought I did a bad job. I looked at the videos and picked them apart. My face was splotchy, my teeth were weird, and overall I looked sick.

For the first time I looked at a video of a sick person….and that sick person was me:( I realized I do have cancer and it will take a toll on my body. It was just a lot to absorb at once.

My good note:) I miss my husband, so that means after almost 11 years of marriage this gal still has a thing for her man:)

Well today sucked….period. I watched my husband walk out the door to leave for Chicago. The problem is?????? For the past two years we took this trip together. The first year we went was the first time I had ever left the kids overnight anywhere. So, it was a big deal. Just me, and my hubby and all the fun we could have in 2 1/2 days. It was amazing. Both years we stayed at incredible hotels, ate at the most amazing restaurants… and just spent time with each other.

This is our 11th year of marriage and sometimes after a bit you forget what just the two of you even have in common when kids aren’t involved. This trip every year solidified what I already knew about our marriage, but still it brought us closer. Something this year I will miss 😦

So, yeah I am angry…I am upset…I am pissed. I want to be there. I want everything to just go back to where it was…..and that’s not going to happen, because cancer went and messed everything up.

my positive note: I love you John,
and if I didn’t, I wouldn’t miss you so much.

Enjoy pictures from the last 2 trips to Chicago we took together:

Knowing that my hair was falling out I tried my best to prepare. I had my wig ready, my hats ready, and even shaved it short when I knew it was time. But…………. nothing, and I mean nothing prepares you for the moment it truly does.

I decided today to take a bath. As i soaked in the nice clean tub I decided to wash my hair. That was a huge mistake. I washed my hair and I knew my hands would be covered in hair… and they were. What I did not know is that everytime I barely touched my head or arms etc. There would be hair everywhere. It started filling a good portion of the water and I just sort of panicked! I yelled for John to help. He started up the shower and I was able to wash off yet again.

I re-washed my hair and at that point just prayed the rest would just fall out. It was every where. All over the tub, now the shower, and now me. I just sprayed off as best as I could and got the hell out of there.

It was a horrible experience, that unless you have gone through it or are going through it ,will know what it’s like. I hope to never have another moment like that again.

My end with a good note: John was there for me when I yelled his name for help. He didn’t say much, just wanted to help me in any way possible. I am glad I have him
🙂

This photo shows just what a pinch looks like….

https://takingitfromthetop.com/

Not really much to say. Since my shot I have been to the bed to the bathtub to the bed to the bathtub etc.etc. I can’t get comfortable and I constantly feel like I’m going to barf. I can’t wait till this whole thing is over. 😦 I think some people think I’m alot stronger than I am. I’m actually pretty weak. I just do things just to get them over with as fast as possible and move on.

I did muster up the strength to look just once at the mirror. I closed my eyes, openeded the doors and snapped a photo. I look pretty weird. I told Ashley I didn’t want to see my scalp, and that is what she did. I won’look again for awhile, and use mainly hats. Regardless it had to be done…and it’s another item checked off my list. Now, when it grows back that’s another story. I will do whatever to do to make sure it’s thick and shiny and long 🙂

I’m really thinking hard for something good to end on and it’s not easy. I guess we’ll safe on shampoo, haircuts, and haircare products for the next few months:) So, that’s a good thing.

https://takingitfromthetop.com/

Well, today I had my shot after chemo that makes me feel like crap. I am taking a different set of meds in hopes that I miss the flu like symptoms like last time. Trying to keep my chin up though.

Since shaving my head, I am much more self-conscience. So what does that mean???? Time to buy some hats. 🙂 I do have a wig, but its’s not something I want to wear everyday. Anyhow, here are some I got. chat later, xoxo

https://takingitfromthetop.com/

Well I am tired, so today will be a short post. It started early with the editor Lynn showing up ready to start her article. I went to chemo and it wasn’t as bad as last time. This time they did some numbing lotion on it and it helped greatly. My mom came, I had some visitors and before long it was over:) yeah! Oh and my white blood cells are back to normal … so that’s more good news.

We came back later and I decided today was the day that my hair would go bye-bye. For the past few days it was majorly coming out and I knew it was time. I called my BFF Ashley and got it done once and for all. So, that’s exactly what we did. Lynn stayed so it could be part of the story too. I was nervous, but I felt like it would be leas traumatic than it falling out in huge pieces.

Just like my mastectomy, I am choosing to wait a bit to see it. I’m just not emotionally ready, and it’s best I wait till I am. Ashley also fixed my wig and it looks pretty darn cute.

Overall, not a bad day…. but I am still glad it’s behind me. My church brought us dinner, and my good friend Mary took Sophie for the day. Without all these wonderful people, I don’t think I could get through this. Heading to bed, xoxoxo

Enjoy some fun videos and pics from today 🙂

https://takingitfromthetop.com/

I feel like the wrath of chemo and me losing my hair is approaching 😦 Yesterday for the first time I did the “tugg” test, and had a handful. 😦
Sad Days Approaching.

I won’t go into some long rant…just that it does seem unfair. With everything I have to give up… this too? Doesn’t seem quite right.

Oh, well. I’ll just keep putting one foot infront of the other and try to get this over with as fast as possible.

https://takingitfromthetop.com/

Well today is Monday, and one day closer to chemo Wednesday. I am getting scared, but I’m ready to put another one behind me and just get it over with. I just keep repeating “just 6 more, just 6 more, just 6 more, ” After this one, I should have 6 more and then I pray I’m done. I wish I could fast forward time 😦

Now, on a brighter note! (John pay attention) I was contacted by the Editor of The Rolla Daily News. Her name is Lynn and she is very sweet. She approached me and asked if I would do a big article for the paper. It will be a “photo journal/day in the life of” sort of a thing. I was nervous at first, but then I thought if I put myself out there, maybe just maybe some young girl will see my face and make sure she too does her monthly self exams.

See cancer is a funny thing… it doesn’t care about your age or your race…it doesn’t care who you are. I’m a good example. Who am I? Just some mid western mom living in a small town raising a family. Nothing special… nothing different. I’m just like other people, and I hope this article portrays that. The whole “it can happen to you too,” sort of applies here.

So, I’m nervous. I want to make sure it’s perfect (and I don’t just mean my hair;) I want good info that women can use if they are under/uninsured and where to turn to if they find a lump. The one thing you don’t want to do is wait. Most cancers don’t allow that.

It’ll portray how just a regular mom with kids and a husband deal with
life + cancer. So, long story short a lovely lady will follow me all around on chemo day and see what all this fun is about 😉 lol. and at the end of the day hopefully she learns a few things about me and makes sure she does her self exams every month.

On a totally separate note I want to make a shout out to my brother Curtis. He lives in IL and I can’t see him often and miss him terribly. I know this journey would be easier if he was closer. So this is just a shout out to say Love You Curt. Proud of you and miss you. 🙂 peace